When thinking about going back to school I know a lot of parents can feel excited and stressed at the same time. Summer is great and all, but the lack of structure can be a huge challenge especially for our neurodivergent kiddos. When school gets out in the summer, there’s a change in ALL routines, and then a few months later we ask them to do the same thing all over again! The return to school can be a major challenge emotionally for many kiddos (and parents- let’s be real).
One thing I like to remind parents about with getting back to school is to work on consistency (over perfection). Be aware and be mindful that this is a time of transition for everyone, yourself included, not just the kids. Let’s look at routine versus schedule. A routine is something that we get in the habit of doing everyday versus sticking to a structured timeline of events. Routines can and are more fluid than a schedule. Think flexible versus ridged. Entering the school year with the idea of creating a consistent routine, versus a strict schedule that can be hard to follow and create stress can help lead to success.
Visuals. This may sound simple, but sometimes we have to go back to basics. Having visual schedules, calendars, and lists for tasks for your kids (and selves) can be a game change. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy if that’s not your wheelhouse. A simple notebook or list of tasks for your kids to be able to check themselves can be so helpful in getting things done, creating more consistency, and developing a new routine for the school year. Visuals are also one of the best tools for neurodivergent individuals to support with executive functioning.
Self-Regulation. I keep hearing this word used a lot more frequently in the classroom, which is amazing! But what does it mean? Many adults struggle with regulation, let alone kids, especially neurodiverse kiddos. Think about self-regulation as having the tools to calm yourself down or soothe yourself/the ability to recognize that you might need to CHILL OUT. One of the most important times to check in with your kids and teach them to check in with themselves about this is right after school. They are probably fueled with energy and adrenaline from the day (and this is most likely false, don’t trust it). Kids don’t always need to “run off their energy”. Sometimes after a long day at school they need to have a snack (hangry, anyone?) and have some quiet time. Does your kiddo meltdown after school, or struggle with meltdowns after school? They may need to have regulation time built into their after-school routines. Think of this as a reset, or plugging your phone in to charge for a little while. Regulating activities for kids can look like independent play, playdoh, reading, drawing, building legos, etc. Screen time may be useful in some situations, but generally I don’t recommend screen time be included in true self-regulation time.
Bedtime. Teaching your kids how to relax, unwind, and calm their nervous systems down before bed is such a useful tool. This goes hand in hand with self-regulation! Often times when I speak with parents about evening routines, I hear stress and rushing to “get ready for bed”. This is the opposite mindset we want to enter into for bedtime, for anyone not just neurodiverse people. Instead, if you’re running short on time, try to think about things that can be skipped or shortened and what the priorities are. For example, if your kiddo is in meltdown territory, you’re feeling frazzled, it’s close to bed, and they haven’t bathed, brushed teeth yet, or done anything to get ready for bedtime. Let’s stop and think: how successful are we going to be right now? Believe it or not it’s okay to skip that bath sometimes, give your kiddo a washcloth to freshen up, quick teeth brush, and get in jammies and get to bed. I like to call this “bedtime priorities”. Additionally, we can think about creating a better routine/structure before bed if necessary as well.
Lastly, these are just tips and not therapy or medical advice. If some of these things sound really difficult and you need support please reach out! Setting limits, routine, consistency, and following through can all be extremely challenging and you’re not alone. It takes a village to raise children, and I’m here to be part of your team.